I wrote the following several months ago. It's funny how God will bring things back to you just when you need them most. I hope that you will be as blessed by this posting as I was when God spoke.

Sometimes I claim I want to hear God, I ask and pray but yet after many tears, prayers, and even some bargaining with God I still don't have it, I still can't hear. The problem is... me. I know God is still there just as he has always been, he continues to speak I have just moved away; moved away to the point that I cannot hear. Once again I find myself trying to "drive" instead of allowing God, but all the while asking God to speak - tell me - guide me, but really at the same time not wanting to hear what he has to say. Maybe I'm scared of what it will be, I'm not sure. But today he spoke, he spoke loud and clear and again not saying what I expected.

As I sit on an old log by a quiet lake I could see a fishing boat coming closer to me. This boat came in fast and loud, busy, direct, knowing exactly where it wanted to go and exactly what is was there for. It came in bold and strong nothing wrong with that- bold and strong- God himself told Joshua to be bold and strong. To tell the truth he has told me that also, bold and strong but here's the catch. As the boat came in he knew what he wanted to do but didn't know if he would be successful. As he came closer to where he thought he wanted to be he turned his motor down. He was probably praying that God would lead him to the place he could catch the most fish, but still his boat pushed him - not God. Finally, he turned his motor off, but still his boat pushed him in the way he had directed, the way he thought best not necessarily in the way God wanted him to go. It wasn't until he stopped; his energy had expired that God finally was able to push him in the direction that would be best.

Do I know he will catch fish today, certainly not but here is what I do know. I know that I am sitting in the sunshine on a log by the lake. I know that I had to step around logs, stickers, and twigs. I had plenty of obstacles to overcome just to get here. Maybe th most important thing I know is God will continue to push me, have me step over obstacles. I also know that I can no longer see that fishing boat that came up so strong and bold. I have been reminded that I must stop trying to lead God to my answers. I know God has given me a mission, a job, a purpose and if I can just stop trying to lead him, then he can finally, finally lead me. He will lead me to something I can only sit in awe of, something greater than I can fathom.