LOOK AT ME!

Do you remember caring for a child that wouldn’t listen or maybe you were at the doctor right before a shot and needed your child to focus on anything but the needle? You grabbed that child by the sweet little chin and looked directly and deeply into their eyes and said, “Look at me! Look - at - me. Focus on me. Stay focused on ME.” Don’t you think that God wants and sometimes has to do that to us to get our attention? I truly believe God sometimes needs to say the same things to us, but he adds something else that is very special. A special promise only he can give. He whispers “look at me! Look - at - me. Focus on me. Stay focused on me and I will bless you more than you could EVER imagine. Focus on me! I am here and I’m holding your little hand, but you keep squirming. I have you, you’ll be okay - trust me.”
Why do we do that? We ask our children to focus on us, to trust, to stop squirming. It’s really not an unusual request and we expect them to follow our directions, but when the creator of all things asks us to do the same we tend to find numerous excuses. Many times we reply with a “really God? are you sure? or maybe, why don’t you just let me fix it?”
My precious sisters in Christ, we must refuse to be the Mom here. Being the Mother is not our role; no we are the child whose hand is held. Our eyes should be focused in only one direction. This seemingly simple task gets very complicated in our messed up world. Please take time today to just sit and gaze at him, to refocus your eyes and still your hands. You will not be sorry you took time to see the mighty one.

A Sharp Pencil

Lately I have found myself being asked by God to reconsider - to look at life and my purpose in a different way. I have looked up only to find myself completely defined by my career in a place that I have no idea how I came to be. I am here to tell you this new consideration is uncomfortable. I guess that is one reason it has taken me so long to blog. You see I have had some pretty significant changes in my life. I have changed jobs and while God’s hand was “all over” this change it has made life – as Priscilla Shirer would say “divinely interrupted”. While my home and husband are still in one town the boys and I are in another during the week. This means for all intensive purposes I am a single mom all week long. I just need to say to all the single moms, there is a special place in heaven for you, because this mom of 3 boys cannot wait to get home every Friday night to get some help. But in all of this God is revealing himself to me in ways that he never has before. You see for about the past year I have been praying for God to show me his way, so that I can follow him. I would pray “Lord show me your will so I will know what decisions to make”. Do you see the pattern? If not just go back and notice how many times I used the word I, me, or my in the last couple of sentences. You see until recently I wasn’t getting it. I am not the star of my own movie. This is not about me. I know what your thinking, I’ve heard that before - but you see I wasn’t ready- maybe I wasn’t listening. Here is what I have realized. I’m not even going to be the best supporting actor in this film- THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME! Let me say it this way, because it took a lot of analogies for me to understand and since I enjoy writing I am now thinking about it this way. Here it is- in God’s movie- the best I can hope to be is the pencil; the pencil that he might happen to pick up as he writes his story. What do I hope? I just hope as he grabs from the many pencils in his desk that I might be sharpened enough to use. 2 Timothy 2:20-21 tell us that “In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some of ignoble. If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.” So I ask you today, how about you? Are you sharp enough to use? Do you know this movie is not about you? And more importantly, do you call the star of this film, friend and father? If so, please dear one, be that sharpened pencil ready to be used.

I wrote the following several months ago. It's funny how God will bring things back to you just when you need them most. I hope that you will be as blessed by this posting as I was when God spoke.

Sometimes I claim I want to hear God, I ask and pray but yet after many tears, prayers, and even some bargaining with God I still don't have it, I still can't hear. The problem is... me. I know God is still there just as he has always been, he continues to speak I have just moved away; moved away to the point that I cannot hear. Once again I find myself trying to "drive" instead of allowing God, but all the while asking God to speak - tell me - guide me, but really at the same time not wanting to hear what he has to say. Maybe I'm scared of what it will be, I'm not sure. But today he spoke, he spoke loud and clear and again not saying what I expected.

As I sit on an old log by a quiet lake I could see a fishing boat coming closer to me. This boat came in fast and loud, busy, direct, knowing exactly where it wanted to go and exactly what is was there for. It came in bold and strong nothing wrong with that- bold and strong- God himself told Joshua to be bold and strong. To tell the truth he has told me that also, bold and strong but here's the catch. As the boat came in he knew what he wanted to do but didn't know if he would be successful. As he came closer to where he thought he wanted to be he turned his motor down. He was probably praying that God would lead him to the place he could catch the most fish, but still his boat pushed him - not God. Finally, he turned his motor off, but still his boat pushed him in the way he had directed, the way he thought best not necessarily in the way God wanted him to go. It wasn't until he stopped; his energy had expired that God finally was able to push him in the direction that would be best.

Do I know he will catch fish today, certainly not but here is what I do know. I know that I am sitting in the sunshine on a log by the lake. I know that I had to step around logs, stickers, and twigs. I had plenty of obstacles to overcome just to get here. Maybe th most important thing I know is God will continue to push me, have me step over obstacles. I also know that I can no longer see that fishing boat that came up so strong and bold. I have been reminded that I must stop trying to lead God to my answers. I know God has given me a mission, a job, a purpose and if I can just stop trying to lead him, then he can finally, finally lead me. He will lead me to something I can only sit in awe of, something greater than I can fathom.

Grace Under Pressure

"Grace under pressure"..."Grace under pressure"... the phrase that every good Southern girl knows, but one that I keep repeating in my mind lately. It could be the time of year, but I doubt it. I think that God brings me to these junctures just in time to learn something either I was too ignorant to get the first time or perhaps I just wasn't ready to listen. Sometimes the lessons are due to my inattention and others...just God giving me exactly what I asked for. My current response: stupid, stupid, stupid, when will I ever learn that my prayer shouldn't be for what I want but for his will to be done? In the heat of the moment when will I remember and believe, truly believe that his plans are always better than mine? Please dear friends, understand that I said it; of course I said it, "Lord, please let your will be done," but underneath that quick, small, quiet statement was the thought; no the intention, but only if your will is the same as mine. Okay so I admit it and once again, I find myself in a predicament that only he can fix, and yet I guess that's the point. A predicament too big for me, nothing I can fix, this is a God thing only fixable by him. Is it earth shattering, will it destroy my life or the lives of the ones I love? Hardly, but it is important to me and I know that makes it important to God. "Grace under pressure, grace under pressure, grace under pressure". So there it is I am publicly handing it over to God, now the hard part for me. I have to let it go, let God handle the situation. It belongs to him now, I will continue to show "grace under pressure", but because I know that my Lord is blessing me with this experience and will bring me new and exciting blessings.

Yet, "Grace under pressure", seems so fitting for this time of year. I wonder if those were Mary's words, mumbled under her breath as she and her love traveled from inn to inn with not so much as a second glance to them. "Grace under pressure", as she lay in a barn full of animals and gave birth to our King. "Grace under pressure", as they all came. No doubt she would like to do nothing more than sleep, and have a moment, a few moments of privacy with her new family. "Grace under pressure", as they persecuted, taunted, and then nailed him to the cross. "Grace under pressure" as she laid him to rest, for him only to raise again in three days. Do you think those were her unrecorded words? Words that God himself whispered to her as the most trying of days passed before her.

Or are these words just for us? "Grace under pressure", problems that don't even start to measure up to Mary's. Problems so small they shouldn't even be called problems and all the while we show "grace under pressure" because we know "this too shall pass". Our deep longing, the yearning that there is still more to do, more to learn, more to see is just that, it is our longing to be home. Dear friends, it is nothing more than wanting to be home with Jesus in a place that has no problems, no issues, no concerns, to be able to let our hair down and to be able to breathe a sigh of relief because no more do we exist in a place that we have to show "grace under pressure".

Wearing His Socks

I love to come home, change clothes and put on a pair of socks. There is just something comforting about having warm feet, call me crazy. It’s especially wonderful after being in a pair of heels walking around all day. The problem with socks is this…you have to sort them, and I believe that to be from the devil himself. Let me make it clear, I hate to sort socks, probably because I can never get it right. I always end up with a gigantic mess, big feet in little socks and little feet in big socks, it truly makes for a disastrous morning in my fast paced life. My solution was simple, no more sorting socks, we will just put them in a laundry basket and everyone sorts them as needed. It’s sort of an every man for himself philosophy. What is even better about my new philosophy is it worked, or at least for a little while until we got down to the bottom of the basket and “you know who” hadn’t done any laundry.
This is when I made my discovery, something that would change life as I knew it. I had selected my pair of socks after a long day at work, really not paying any particular attention. That is when it happened. I put on the first sock; I can remember thinking “wow, these fit really great, nice and snug. I don’t remember seeing these before”. The next group of thoughts came so rapidly I almost felt like I was in fast forward and slow motion at the same time and went something like, “wonder where these socks came…oh no, that can’t be…since when did his foot get…oh my gosh, I can wear his socks”.
Those of you with older boys can totally appreciate this scenario, I’m sure you have lived it yourself, and you know what comes next. The flashback starts with your new sock partner being a baby and selectively cuts to those important moments that you have shared with him throughout his life, and ends with him standing before you. He has inadvertently walked into the room just in time to witness your near mental breakdown. He has a strange look in his eye, I’m sure it is because he is trying to decide if you have finally lost your mind, or if he is about to get fussed at for one of a million things that he has or has not done. As I pulled myself back into reality I realized at that moment that this is the beginning of the end. So many wonderful and exciting things are before us, and at the same time I know that I have to start letting go. I have to start letting him become who it is that he is going to be.
Thinking back on that event, when I realized that my baby wasn’t a baby anymore, I have to wonder what Mary felt. I wonder what she thought as Jesus grew and the moment she could wear his sandals. What did she see, how did she feel? She knew what lay ahead for her son. How does a Mom even begin to cope with those truths? The only answer I have is this, “but for the grace of God, go I”.
The best part of wearing his socks is that I can now make out, every once in a while, the man he will become. Those brief moments, glimpses into the future, which make me realize that try as I might, who he is and who he will become is totally up to God. No more and no less.

Being a Superwoman

Tonight, I am sitting writing this blog as I listen to the rain. It has been raining all day. To busy Moms it’s a wonderful time. Rain means no soccer practice or baseball games, it means that we get to take a short little breath and get caught up on the other things that we have neglected. It allows me for the first time in several weeks, to get the kids to bed on time and sit down with my thoughts and express them to you. To imagine, to wonder, to think...in quiet…
Sometimes I wonder, if it is possible to do everything we are suppose to do. In essence, be “Superwoman” with a big gold “S” stitched across our chest. What does it mean to be Superwoman? That’s easy most women can answer that question. We are to have the perfect home, kids, marriage, and career; be totally connected and assessable at all times, being sure to have a cell phone, Facebook account and Twitter regularly. We have to have our quiet times daily, serve on all the committees both at church and in our community, be at church on time every time the door opens, of course with kids in tow and dressed to the nine. Be at work on time and be fantastic at what we do. And we must always remember to have on earrings, lipstick and a smile.
But what happens if one day we forget our earrings or heaven forbid, we put on two different colored shoes (I know, we’ve all done it!)? We fail, we don’t meet the demands of being a hero, and it feels like you have let everyone down including ourselves. There are always those encouraging words that are said, unfortunately not to you but behind you, “Oh that poor girl, bless her heart she is just overwhelmed”. “Her kids are…” or “her husband just doesn’t…” or maybe even “if she would just get organized she could…” People always have a lot of opinions and never fall short on giving advice, but is that what we need? God says in Matthew 6:33 “Seek first his kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”. What God did not say in Matthew was to look like Superwomen first and give God the time you have left over. Give him the rainy evenings when the kids are in bed. No, God wants us first; he then can provide everything else.
So, the question of the evening; is Superwomen obtainable, it seems like I see her every once in a while. A glimpse here, a smile there, on the street in high heel shoes with a perfect figure and an expensive suit. Could it be possible that these women just like me are hanging on by the skin of their teeth? Could they feel just as out of control and trapped by the stereotype as I do? If it’s true they certainly don’t show it; and how is that possible? Oh, but it is possible. You see as Christians we are all working toward the same goal, sometimes we just get distracted. To quote my favorite verse, “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” So pray, pray to be Superwoman, but please don’t be mistaken. His definition of Superwomen is much better than yours.